Honest Talk - defining Happiness

The definition of Happy is almost always wrong. We learn as kids that happiness comes from the things that make you smile, laugh or feel good. It's being successful or achieving something, living a comfortable life economically, being happily in love and, most importantly, not going through any bad emotions. It's joy, love and passion, and to be fair it's that as well - with emphasis on "as well".

I want to change what people think it is. Because it is that exact definition that makes people unhappy.

Happiness isn't just about being comfortable or having everything go your way. Happiness is about peace and gratitude. It's waking up and being able to list things you're grateful for without having to think twice. It's being at peace when you go to bed, knowing everything will be alright. And it's waking up not with the hope for a good day, but the knowledge that the day will be a day of happiness, regardless of what obstacles may come. 

And, more than anything, happiness is emotional freedom. It's allowing yourself to feel sad or angry or frustrated when something inside you tells you to feel that way, as well as let yourself feel excited, surprised, amused and in love. It's letting yourself cry, laugh or throw something at a wall, it's accepting every emotion and letting them run through you with appreciation. It's realizing that emotions are part of the human experience, never to be measured or hidden.

Emotions are the scenery of life. And you, you're in a car that drives through them, sometimes too slow, but most of the time too fast. Regardless of the speed, the trees, oceans, sunsets and sunrises will all keep moving past you outside your window. The car never stops, so whatever scenery is right in front of you, know that it will at some point be left behind forever.

What's a pity is that some people decide only to look out the window when they feel the warmth of the sun or know for certain that it isn't raining. They don't want to see the hurtful and morose, even though they know that at some point they have to open their eyes in order to keep the car steady.

Don't be afraid of looking out that window. Don't be afraid if a tree seems like it's about to fall over you. Watch it, and realize that it is part of your experience as a human being, whatever emotion this imaginary tree might represent, and that there are billions of people all across the world that are seeing the same trees as you are right now. And if the tree falls, you'll find a way to drive around it, even if it might take you a while.

 

Don't feel guilty if you feel you don't have 'reason' enough to feel bad when a certain scenery appears. Yes, some people have experiences with certain things that few will ever be able to understand. That doesn't mean your view on the scenery is less valuable. You're allowed to see what you see and feel what you feel. Never feel you have to justify your reasons for reacting to different sceneries the way you do. Don't worry if people feel you're overreacting or not reacting enough. Some cry at sunrises, some smile. People are different.

All you have to worry about is moving, and that the scenery in front of you will soon be replaced by another. Accept it, indulge in it. Emotions are the only thing that every human beings has in common. 

And whenever you see a particularly beautiful view, make sure to be grateful for it. 

Gratitude will open your eyes to a whole new life. At one point you'll be grateful for every type of scenery. From the gloomy days to hours of infinite sunshine. From dark and foggy roads, where your path isn't clear, to stunning open landscapes full of color and promise. You'll come to realize that from every scenery a lesson can be learned, a new question can be raised, and either way, you'll always end up appreciating joy and bliss - even more so after days of darkness.

Don't be afraid of your emotions. They are what makes you a human being. Smile when you feel your body reacting to something. Cry when you need to release. Feelings are part of the human experience. You're only You once. Live every moment as much as possible. You are not your thoughts, for they change all the time. You are your emotions, raw and relentless, like your shadow on the pavement.

 

And trust me - once you let your emotions run freely, chances are those emotions that hurt won't appear so frequently. And when they do, they'll disappear quicker because you let them happen. You were fearless and didn't try to hide them or forget they were there. 

Cry when you can, laugh out loud, clench your fists in anger and never ever be afraid of falling in love. Fall in love every day, with strangers or lovers, with family and friends, with life and all its colors. Be a child, be curious and spontaneous, and never ever take yourself too seriously.

Happiness can never be measured. Success that leads to happiness will only lead to wanting more success, leading to you losing that happiness as quickly as you got it. Happiness that comes from only the emotions that feel good will make it vulnerable. And even if it's nice when other people make you happy, YOU should always be the one that makes you the happiest. You'll never lose yourself. People come and go. 

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I am the happiest I have ever been because I love every emotion that I go through on a daily basis. After months of being numb, morose and in a deep despair, with no idea how to get out of it, I looked back and realized that it was my choice whether or not to be happy.

Now, a moment of anger or sadness is just that - a moment. I let myself cry and feel every tear with my entire being. And afterwards I smile because I realize that for a minute I changed frequencies and was a different type of human. It made me grateful for smiling again, for having eyes that are dry and hopeful, and not wet and in mourning. Every day is special, not to be measured up against each other, and I've stopped actively searching for happiness outside of myself. People still make me happy, but I'm just as happy when I'm by myself.

And when love in any form hits me, I smile even more, because I do no longer fear the pain that might come after. I fall in love every day, with people, places, thoughts and dreams. I feel my heart beat out of my chest as I look back at moments that I hold dear, and instead of being sad that they no longer exist, I am beyond grateful for being able to close my eyes and realize that it actually happened.

I do something I love every day, something I enjoy and learn from. Hard work doesn't feel as tough when it's something you love. And even when I fail, I never feel like it was a waste of time because I enjoyed every moment of it.

You can be the happiest person you know right now. Close your eyes and forgive yourself of all you beat yourself for having done or felt. Be grateful for the present moment and whatever emotion and experiences you're going through. Know that obstacles will pass once you let go of fear and dive head first into living. Feel, as much as you can, because that's what being human is all about. Don't search for happiness in things that can be lost as quickly as it can be found. And know that at some point you'll look back at this moment right now and realize how far you've come.

 

Be happy. Be free. Be proud. Be fearless.